have you ever wondered :

1. why do men bersusah-payah chases women but when the women finally give in, they withdraw? is this because men like challenges? they like when women are hard to get is it so when the women finally fall into their trap they find it totally boring already? hmmm.

2. why do men still flirt (and i’m not referring to just lil innocent flirt ok?) with other women when they are obviously dating someone already? (i meant obvious because it’s so clear they put their status on facebook in a relationship/engaged/married/etc with so and so.)

3. why do women still fall for all those sweet talk when they’ve been crushed by em so many times before?

4. why must women be so emo at most of the times and at even the slightest thing? kan best if we can be as carefree as men also.

i always wonder. but i can never find the answers. hmmm.

sooo. i’m (most probably) gonna leave again. this time somewhere nearer. but still, it’s not home. i’ll have to pack my stuff and leave again and start all over again in a new place. actually i hate all these leavin and movin but sometimes life don’t leave you any choices right. you gotta go where you know things will be better off, even if that means you’re not gonna be happy. or maybe sometimes happiness requires some sacrifices? ish don’t know la. the only good thing that comes out from all these is that it makes me a stronger and more independent person.

how come human beings always make the same mistakes over and over again and never seem to learn their lesson? how come we always go back to the things that hurt us the most in hopes that it will get better? there’s even this famous quote that goes something like this “the only person that can make you stop crying is the one that made you cry in the first place”. omg so true kan?

so what can we do to avoid this misery? (which all of you can try to apply, but truthfully, i myself always fail. so, am not saying it works, so it’s up to you to follow. or not.)

tip #1 : hapuskan segala apa saja yang related to whatever thing that is making you miserable in the first place. cos once it’s gone from your pandangan, you won’t be tempted to repeat all those silly things over and over again kan.

tip #2 : listen to your loved ones. if they say stay away, stay away. they knows best. i think.

tip #3 : always remember, if the first time it didn’t work, then it won’t work ever. so, stop trying to make it better. cos it’ll just get worst.

ok am out of tips. now you know why i always fail? T_T

i’ve got exactly eight days left in newcastle. and am having mixed feelings about it. part of me is screaming “yay i’m finally coming home!” but a part of me is wishing time did not pass this quickly. sigh.

as much as i wanna go home so badly (mainly for the food and loved ones!), i’m kinda dreading the thought of starting a new phase in my life. working. and this time it’s not the 5 month (or 1 and a half!) practical training like i did before where all i did day in and day out was measuring rebars. or goyang kaki layan mp3 when there was really nothing to be done. this time it’s for real. i can’t quit just for the reason i hate the people around me. or i can’t just quit cos i can’t handle the pressure of taking-off buildings after buildings. cos if i do that, who’s gonna gimme money for my clothes and bags anymore cos mummy and daddy are definitely NOT gonna help me in that area already. so, sigh.

and, talking about work, i’ve yet to decide WHERE exactly i wanna work. actually i HAVE decided. i just don’t know if it would be the RIGHT choice. being a grown up definitely sucks. cos you gotta make decisions after decisions. making one wrong turn, and you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life. sigh.

and you know what’s the worst part of all these? the packing. i hate packing. as well as unpacking. i always don’t know what to keep and what to throw. usually, everything always ended up under the KEEP heading, but they’re all gonna end up as rubbish anyways. so why can’t i just throw em here instead of taking all the trouble to bring back home just to throw them there also in the end? cos i just can’t decide. sigh. and why do i have so much stuff anyways?? gotta stop shopping!! sighhhh.

okla i should stop complaining now. i just hate leaving. leaving makes me emo. maybe i don’t show it that obvious, but i really am berat hati to leave this place that i call home for the past two years. even though i didn’t really like the place and the people (some, not all!) that much, but i would be lying if i say “i’m super happy to leave i don’t even feel sad at all!” cos you know what, i’m already starting to miss even the slightest thing. sigh.

i’m not THAT ambitious, i admit, so i never really bother to achieve something to the max. so you can say am the kinda person that is pretty sambil lewa. (but it doesn’t mean am TOO sambil lewa until i don’t even have a vision to succeed la.) i know this is not exactly a good thing, but i like being like that cos it gives me less pressure ya know. you know why got cases of people sakit jiwa or not? cos they aimed for something that is wayyyy too hard to achieve or wayyyy over their own limit, and when they can’t they got so stress cos they MUST also achieve it, and end up they become crazy la, enough said. so i taksukataksukataksuka (sorry to say!) people who wants to get to the top until they keep on bothering MY life about it. if i say i don’t care already, then i don’t la, and i won’t change my mind about it so stop telling me about it cos it just annoys the *toot* out of me. heh. kan dah geram now. if you wanna reach that highest level, you go ahead la, am not stopping you, just don’t drag me along if i’ve already said i don’t bother. i know my own capability, and it’s sufficient for me just to reach that line. i have my own way to suceed in MY life, i don’t need you to tell me what to do.

sigh.

we were already in the same building, under one roof, just several floors apart, but i didn’t even get to catch a glimpse.

UPDATED (after just 15mins) : i managed to catch a glimpse. but it was the most horrible moment of my entire life. why did i have to do such an embarassing thing to myself? why did i even press up instead of down? i wish the earth would just split into two and swallow me up right then and there. sigh.